Dealing with
Offense
Every leader will be offended. Jesus said that we will “be
hated.” The Christian is to expect opposition. Leaders will be disappointed and
unfairly criticized. Fortunately Jesus teaches us how to deal with this hurt.
Key Verses
Mt18:15-18 If your brother sins against you go to him in
private. If he repents you have gained a brother. If not bring one or two
others and go to him again. If he does not repent bring it to the church.
Pro12:10 Love covers a multitude of sins.
1tim4:16-18 At my first defense no one stood by me, may it
not be held against them.
Key Questions
1.
How should leaders in the church handle criticism
and offense by others in the church?
2.
What is the proper channel for criticism of a
church leader?
3.
What is the purpose of offenses at church?
Our understanding of dealing with offense
When someone we care about offends us we should go to them
individually. Eye to eye we should explain why what they said or did hurt us
and then listen to their response. The first level is to give them an opportunity
to make things right. It is important that this is done in as private a manner
as possible. If they repent and apologize, your relationship will be stronger
for it. I have seen most offenses were not purposeful or deliberate or out of
malice. Most of the time there were misunderstandings, miscommunications or bits
of petty selfishness or immaturity. Brining a grievous to someone keeps them
accountable and gives them an opportunity to demonstrate their care for you and
show maturity.
If they do not repent or show remorse, we are to take the
offense to the second level. Bring one or two trusted friends or authority
figures with you and speak to them again. These people you brought are not only
witnesses they are arbitrators. They are objective. People act different with a
crowd. Now they think about their reputation and what those others think of
them. At this point some will give into the peer pressure or the reasoning put
another way and repent. Others will only grow harder.
If they still don’t hear you bring it to the pastor. The pastor
is the shepherd of the flock. He is the spiritual authority. If he confronts
someone’s offense and they do not listen, he has Biblical authority to remove
them from the church. To “bring it before the church” does not mean I must
announce their sins Sunday morning after the announcements and before the
sermon or that I must have the guilty publically announce their sins. It means
the pastor or elders are brought into the situation.
Criticism about church leaders can be brought directly to
the pastor. But two things should be assumed; he will most likely direct the
critic to the leader and/or will initially side with the leader.
Jesus truly foretold of the offenses and criticism that
awaited Him. More than that, He has prophesied that we too would experience the
pain of slander and personal attack. “Bless them that spitefully use you.”
Remember Jesus words; “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”
If you love them you will not share their business with
others. Gossip is a serious sin for it grows division. When you hear something
bad about someone, ask yourself “is this gossip?” “Why do I need to hear it?”
You may have to rebuke the person telling you. It should have been their
reaction to go to them and think the best of them.
Sin grows in the dark. Sins get enlarged. Stories get exaggerated
the farther they get from the source. That is why Jesus says go to the source. Deal
with just them if you can.
The church is a family. We are so post to have some
conflicts because it proves us, it matures us. We are like diamonds that need
to be rolled and rolled until the dirt and the rocks chip off. In the early
church there was division, it was to prove who was of the truth. Paul had to
rebuke Peter “to his face.” Jesus got after the Pharisees eye to eye. Conflict
is a method of correction. A painful method but it is Gods method.
There have been times when I have been unfairly criticized in
the church or had to deal with leaders who were offended. Sometimes I was wise enough
to take this procedure. I would call the
offender into my offense and begin with a smile saying; “Well, right now you
have the opportunity to gain a brother.” Knowing there was a conflict, this does
some defusing. I would go on to preface the conversation saying that we can
grow. That there can be more respect and depth of character shown by how we
handle the situation from this point forward.
Conclusion
Don’t paint people in a corner or come at them with guns
blazing. Be careful how you load up. Load up with love. Love covers sins. It believes
the best and sees their future. Go to them, give them chances and if they don’t
change they have proven themselves unworthy to be your brother or sister.
Driving it Home
See if you can answer the
questions we started with. If not what information is still needed.
1.
How should leaders in the church handle criticism
and offense by others in the church?
2.
What is the proper channel for criticism of a
church leader?
3.
What is the purpose of offenses at church?
